Judy's Child Loss 4 Moms Support Group
March 25, 2010
Hello. My name is Judy Smith. I lost my young daughter, Ashleigh in October of 1996 from an extremely
rare and sudden illness. It took her very quickly. The shock of her death left my family reeling. Now
thirteen years later, we are still struggling day by day to put our lives back together and find some purpose
in living. My contacts with other parents who also live with the never ending pain of losing a child has
helped me to do that.
Judy's Child Loss 4 Moms is a very special online support group for mothers who have lost a child to death.
If you have found this page and are interested in participating in my group, then you are a grieving parent
as well and my heart goes out to you and your family. I know the need you are feeling now, to find others
that will listen and understand your pain. As terrible as your life has become since your child's death,
please know that you are on the right track. My group will not take away your pain, or bring your child
back, but it will give you a safe place to go where you are understood and not judged, and hopefully be
the beginning of bringing "you back".
Everyone handles grief in their own way. I have found that most people who have not experienced the death of
their child do not understand. Because this loss is so deep, so profound, it will be beyond their
comprehension to fathom your pain. They will try to teIl you that the way in which you are grieving is not
right. What they are really saying is that it is not right for them! Grieving one's child is an all
consuming task, it takes over your life, and it makes others extremely uncomfortable. They may try to
convince you that this is taking too long, you should be "over it by now".
I do not believe that there is a right or wrong way to grieve your child, just as long as you are not
hurting yourself or anyone else in the process. There is absolutely no time limit on grief!!! The loss of a
child is a loss like no other. It is very different from losing a parent, a spouse, or anyone else. This is
a lifelong journey that you have been forced to undertake by no choice of your own. It is a day by day
process of finding a way to deal with your grief and go on to live your life despite the pain.
Each member of this group is at a different place in their grief. For some it has been many years, for
others only a few, and for some it has only been a number of months. The circumstances of our children's
deaths, our individual personalities, our choice of religious beliefs, and our lives may be very different,
but we all share a common bond.....we have all lost a child.
Many of our members, like me, have been on this road for quite some time. We still need one
another, and I think the just knowing that the other group members are there for us if we need them helps.
Most of us don't need the same day to day contact as we once did. So for new members, I ask for
patience from everyone. If you are a member who actively reads the others' posts and
pretty often can really relate to them, but just doesn't know quite what to say so you don't reply.....
Please remember that it's hard for others also. So if there comes a day when not many people reply to your
post, please keep in mind sometimes things are too painful to talk. Even for us. And some days we can, some days
we might not be able to without ruining our entire day. The important thing is getting what you needed to say
out there and other people listening. Even if they don't always write back, they care and they read it....
All members are encouraged to share anything that they may be experiencing in their own lives.
Sometimes we share our tears, at times we express our fears and our guilt. Sometimes we scream out about
our anger and vent our rage against the unfairness of it all. There are times when we may need to be quiet
and still. Or we may just read what the others are sharing and try to apply it to our own loss. We
are all trying to find understanding and some sort of peace for ourselves. And who knows? Once in awhile
we may even share some good recipes or find something to laugh about!! It's all a part of the journey
and I hope you will join me so that we may be a part of it together.
Just visit this page to join ~ Judy's Childloss for Moms and Dads
Visitors Since May 11th, 2005
You're Listening to "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack